Sunday, September 02, 2007
23:13
It's a week to the prelims and i find myself staring at my com screen, what am i doing?surfing through frienster. i happened to have loads of free time on my hand(after having finished my bio revision that is) and thus decided to search for old friends. this very thought popped up in lieu of a teacher's day visit to my alma mater which i decidedly skipped. as shirleen had said, "you 2 years never go liao, suddenly go back for what?". it was then that it struck me--what exactly happened to my past life?
having gone through six years of my childhood in LPS, it was inevitable to have an impression left on me over that infrastrutural mess of beige and navy blue. but yet, it seemed to wore off me these 4 years. honestly, life in LPs was quite hellish for me. sarcastic, sissy, whiner, un-athletic, nerd. your typical friendless next door wimp really. i din really had any steadfast friends. maybe 1 but bitches nvr last together as seen in the case of paris hilton and nicole richie. furthermore, keeping in contact was hard and i admit i partly didn't want to. i wanted a clean break from that life, cut loose all connections. it was impossible nonetheless. the past haunts you in the form of memories esp when you are forced to look back and 'reminisce'. i haven't thought of old classmates for almost never but they all came flooding back in the form of 1 shirleen Ho. if i just release that part of me, i realise i lose a chunk of my life. it will leave this huge emptiness, no matter how the original seems to suck. i regret at times of wat pri sch turned me out to be. instead of really standing out, i'd rather be an unknown or a chameleon and do wat typical boys do, soccer, basketball, computer games. just fitting in. fitting in is so much easier when you're just not you. i'd rather be a lousy academically-declined student than some supposedly smart yet ousted elitist/high-end extract(if i'm even qualified to be one).
a lot has happened to me and i dun really regret this changes. im a better person now, much different now. i look at old classmates pictures and i actually wonder how they are now. what are they up to, what has changed for them. i wish i can laugh my past away but i find myself sinking into self pity once more. wat irony. i'm pathetic, was, not am. if i were given the chance to take away part of my IQ and in return attain a higher emotional quotient i would. i ocassionally wonder if it was my upbringing, school or even myself who brought me into today's circumstances. i guess i was never a loner but ended up being one anyway.
They say it's no use crying over spilt milk. But what if that was the one glass you ever wanted?
perhaps tomorrow.maybe yesterday.
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